“Well,” I begin “It’s Halloween and there weren’t many costumes left. It was either this or a slave Princess Leia bikini, and that chaffed.”

“Anyway.”

“You have entered the games store on Halloween. To continue you must defeat the evil monsters that lurk in every games store!”

“Why are you shouting?’ You ask.

“Clearly, it’s for dramatic effect. You don’t start a choose your own adventure without drama. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“Behold the first monster”

“The Toilet from The Black Lagoon!!!”

The stench hits you first. A miasma of unspeakable horror seeping from the bathroom. The door hangs open, and from within comes a gurgling, bubbling sound that no plumbing should ever make.

You peer inside. The toilet is... pulsating. Breathing. Its porcelain surface glistens with an otherworldly sheen, and the water within churns with malevolent intent. As you watch, it belches forth a cloud of green vapor that forms the shape of a screaming face.

A tentacle-like stream of water shoots out, nearly grabbing your ankle!

What do you do?

OPTION A: Attempt to reason with it. Perhaps if you explain proper bathroom etiquette and post a polite "Please Keep Clean" sign, hoping it will sort itself out without any intervention.

OPTION B: Don your rubber gloves like gauntlets of holy protection, grip your toilet brush like Excalibur, and unleash the sacred bleach. Ten minutes of cleaning will banish this foul cyclopean horror back to whatever hell-dimension spawned it.